I was an addict. During quarantine, starting March 17th in my book, my addiction flew out of control. My addiction with dating apps. I had all of them from Match, to Bumble, to ones for older women, cougars per say. And I was having the time of my life, until I realized that I was not having the time of my life, time was having me played a fool instead. I was spending upwards of 2 hours a day, trying to find love, or trying to get laid, maybe both. I had no clear intentions for being on the apps other than boredom, loneliness or just being thirsty. It was something to do while on the toilet, in between calls, or in the car. Really, it was something to do during any downtime in the day period. And I justified it to myself pretty damn well.
I mean, I’m spending my time trying to fill a natural need and desire to procreate after all wasnt I? Just on the app trying to find the one, so I could fit in a bit better with all of my friends who were beginning to settle down. On the app so that I could find smoeone to bring home, to the holiday dinners, so I didn’t have to be questioned about why i was still single and of course, those who know the feeling, that there was something wrong, with me as an individual. While not spoken outright at functions, it was in the underlying assumption of peoples tones or reactions when I would say that there wasn’t anyone special in my life.
So, with all of this said, I justified the hours a day that I could be on these apps, and the hundreds of conversations that I was trying to keep up with. And let me be honest, that wasn’t going well either. I literally showed up to a date one time, thinking it was going to be with one girl, only to find out that I had been texting the wrong person the entire time because I had a thing where I would only save a number if it made it to a third date. A whole different issue to discuss another time. On this particular occasion I had to excuse myself to the restroom to go through my messages to try and figure out who indeed I was actually on a date with. I CATFISHED MYSELF!!!
And that’s not even when I came close to quitting these apps, it’s been an addiction over many years that I only recently was able to admit to myself.
And so, I stopped, just like that. I moved, to a place much more isolated, which helped me break my addiction, but once I was free, I felt like a new person. Woke in a new way. And I feel like I have so much time back now, and so much less stress and anxiety in my life. I am in a sales roll professionally, and felt like I was doing far more outbound sales in my personal life that my professional role.
I started to spend that energy professionally, and personally but on projects, and writing, and it’s worked wonders for me. It’s freed me from the shackle and chain of dating apps.
Certain apps like Hinge are saying that they want to be your last app, to help you find real love. And that’s noble, and I think it was honestly my favorite app, but I think after many years of successes and failures on the dating apps,
I have come to find a new hope in hopefully finding love naturally. Letting the world work its magic, and importantly, letting myself work my own magic in the right way.
My life has FAR less dissapointment in it now, and FAR more time to enjoy the things that really matter to me, and I think in my happiness and purpose, the right one will come along when she is meant to. Until then, farewell apps. At least until this quarantine is over and I’m bored in the bathroom again. I hope that day doesn’t actually come though.
